Last night's dinner was difficult, conversation wise, to say the least. We were exhausted after our "crappy" Monday. During dinner I felt as if I was imprisoned to remain at the table. I don't enjoy being with him if he has had more than one drink before dinner. His personality changes and he gets defensive and belligerent. Forced conversation for the remainder of the night, after I commented that he had too much to drink before dinner.
I gave up drinking for my sanity and it's very hard for me to be around anyone that drinks too much. I am only thinking of my sobriety and it has to be my number one priority. He wants me to be sober and stay sober. But he does make it difficult for me to express myself without offending him. Then I am obliged to make amends, as I do everyday anyway. But these amends....directly to him are not accepted the way they are intended.
Making amends for any harm I have caused to anyone is part of a successful recovery. This is extremely humbling and should be made in a way that is very sincere.
Step by step....day by day....
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